I don’t feel like I’m living through a depressed haze today, but definitely some of my saddest thoughts are coming up. I look at a picture of a friend and me from a specific time in my life when a bad relationship of mine had ended, and even though this picture isn’t of or related to the relationship partner except that it’s on the college campus we both were on, it reminds me of him! That’s all I need. A reminder of someone who took it upon himself to ruin my life. That might sound dramatic, and maybe it is, but he was highly manipulative, emotionally abusive, and let me go at the end of the school a year ago very easily after I let him cross a lot of boundaries I didn’t want to cross. You may say, well, stupid you…YOU have control over your boundaries. Sure, but not exactly when I’m depressed and highly anxious, unmedicated for those problems, and in an unhealthy and controlling relationship. It just makes me so sad how I fell apart under his foot. And of course, this sadness is what I’m thinking about now. Really? Really!? I hope I learn to someday control this. Until then…
As someone who’s experienced a form of dating violence, this is serious and not fun! Keep a look out for it and keep yourselves safe! Education is power! 🙂
I’ve realized the mark of a mature man lately, and I must say that I need more of these men in my life. Wow. I love maturity. This is great. Okay. That’s really all. Some mature women would be great, too, but since Valentine’s Day is coming up soon and I am primarily attracted to men, I might as well make them my focus for now. 🙂
I must ask, for people with uteri (the plural of uterus) and ovaries and depression and anxiety, do your depression and/or anxiety symptoms get worse near your period?
Mine have and do. It used to be very bad when I was only on one anti-depressant. Now that I’m on a cocktail and birth control, it’s not too bad. I’m going to start doing cardio exercise again, and may consider switching birth controls after another month to see what can help rid me of the slight anxiety and depression that come around this time. My loneliness, sadness, and worry seem to escalate.
Thank you for any insight you can offer,
Hello My Fellow Bloggers,
Yikes! I am awake right now and it is 4:39 a.m. Let me tell you, there isn’t much going on here. It’s quiet, dark, quiet…yeah. That’s pretty much it. This is one of the many times I’ve woken up in the middle of the night recently, without being able to fall back asleep for a couple of hours. Sleep often comes after the consumption of some small meal–tonight, it was chocolate cake without frosting, applesauce, and water. With those lovely foods churning around in my stomach, I hope to fall asleep soon.
I must say, this waking up in the middle of the night business is starting to bother me, yes. It’s not on my last nerve, but it’s not on my first, either. Soooo, I called the pharmacist. Who else is there to talk to this early in the morning!? Your ex-boyfriend three time zones behind you!? Aw, hell no! Lol. But…in all seriousness (or partial seriousness), I called the pharmacist to ask about the medications I was on, namely trazodone and Abilify. That’s right you guys, you’re the culprits! (talking to t and A, of course). Anyway, it turns out that I’ll try taking the Abilify at night instead of the morning, blah, blah, blah. Probably the best part of my conversation with the pharmacist was her asking me if I’d be able to get back to sleep tonight…I said, yes, probably, after I eat some food (which, as I said earlier, I’ve already done). We had talked about why Abilify causes you to gain weight during our conversation, and so she proclaimed through a cheerful laugh, “Well, that’s what’s making you gain weight! Eating in the middle of the night!” Haha, funny, lady. What time is it? No.
Haha. Anyway, when writing a post first became an idea about 20 minutes ago, I thought I would write a lie about talking to the pharmacist and having an outrageously unprofessional conversation. This apparently long-lost idea accounts for the semi-subtitle. I apologize for my brain choosing not to traverse that path. I’m sure my wits would have killed it! 😉 By the way, I deal in both sarcasm and Deadpan humor. I tend to watch SNL a lot and enjoy it quite a bit.
Peace and Sleep to All…and Much Love,
P.S. There must be a deer foraging in my side yard.