So, yeah. Hi people. It has been a while.
I find myself responsible for spreading awareness, okay? (As self-assured as that sounds). So let me copy and paste (without names mentioned) a conversation I had with someone on a dating website during the past couple of days. I gave this guy the benefit of the doubt, but I shouldn’t have. *I have posted on my profile on this dating website that I am a rape and domestic violence survivor, so I often get heartfelt responses about that in messages…or I get this…* By the way, I wish I had the confidence to post this on Facebook, but my FB friends don’t know I am using a dating site (and yeah, there’s still societal stigma around that sort of thing), and many don’t know I’ve been raped.
The messages between this person and me (he started messaging me, btw) started JUST LIKE THIS:
HIM: How did it make you feel when you were raped?
ME: How do u think it made me feel?
HIM: If I knew exactly I wouldn’t ask.
ME: Well, wouldn’t you assume bad? Or do u somehow think rape might be thrilling?
HIM: Depends on the situation you didnt enjoy it at all? The primal instincts of a man taking what he wants didnt turn you on?
ME: Oh fuck no. Rape is really scary. Rape fantsies are completely different from being penetrated when you said you didn’t want to be. I think ur thinking rough sex. Rape is never enjoyable. Plus, there is the fear of stds and pregnancy bc this guy obviously didn’t care one bit abt me (bc he disrespected me), so if he had had something, he wouldn’t have cared much to keep me safe. He was a pig. He wanted sex and took it even tho I told him I didn’t want to. I’d also never had sex before and planned on staying abstinent until marriage, so it was a highly traumatic psychological situation. Why do u ask this? I will tell u that this is an extremely insensitive thing to ask a rape survivor, but I am giving u the benefit of the doubt and trying to teach you because you obviously lack knowledge. If you are just asking to fulfill some sick ideas you have in ur head and chose to use a conveniently placed rape victim who u don’t know at all to answer your questions having to do with these sick ideas, I am not okay with discussing this.
ME: And playing out a rape fantasy or having intentionally rough sex is always a consensual act. Rape is never, and that is why it is so terrible. It is an act of asserting power over someone and getting something u were refused bc u have a desire to control someone. And that is why it is so traumatic to victims…not bc it is sex, necessarily, (in my case that was part of it, too), but because any power u had was forcibly taken from u. When u genuinely want something or don’t want something and someone chooses to override that.. basically deciding for u that u aren’t worth any sort of respect, that is never a good feeling. That is all I am going to say.
HIM: Lol ok thanks for the long story i simply asked out of curioisity i dont need to rape women to get what i want 😉 peace
ME: Fuck u
So, yes, I got a little feisty there near the end, but I think I’m allowed to. Give me an I! I! Give me a G! G! Give me an N! N! Give me an O! O! Give me an R! R! Give me an A! A! Give me another N! N! Give me a C! C! Give me an E! E! What does that spell!? IGNORANCE.
*****THIS JUST IN, THIS JUST IN! Things just got a lot worse…this was in response to my not super friendly comment…
HIM: And there would be the reason why you deserve what you got good for him
I’m reporting this dude. No question. I hope he’s not a paying customer to the website (for you can be a free beneficiary or a paying customer…) because I fear, if he pays, they will let him stay.